Recently, I was strong-armed into an agreement with my dear mama that I would not use a particular curse word for one year. While telling you what word it is would violate our pact, her chief concern was that, "we wouldn't all be together in heaven." So, yeah. And no, it was not a slur, I just swear too much.
Anyway, I was in the middle of looking for a replacement swear when I realized that this is a problem a lot of writers face. Not necessarily the hell bit, but whether they personally find it objectionable, they're writing for a younger audience, or they're writing something set in a fantasy world, these writers can't swear normally. In light of this tragedy, I wanted to show my support by discussing and rating some of my favorite (and least favorite) minced oaths.
- Beans
A personal favorite, I use it all the time. A close front unrounded value sandwiched between a voiced bilabial plosive and a voiced alveolar nasal. My favorite kind of sandwich--the kind nobody understands! To keep a long Wikipedia article short, the "buh," "ee," and "nuh" sounds squished together are nice to say. At least to /miː/. Works great for a children's book, doesn't if your setting is lacking in legumes. 8/10.
2. Frick
Who doesn't love a good frick-ative? Funnily enough "frick" doesn't contain a single fricative, but nevermind that. It's a strong word--its snappy and jumps off the tip of your tongue. But it's too close to "fuck" for children's media, and too juvenile for adult's. It's in this weird teenage limbo that makes it less appealing than it should be. 4/10.
3. Gosh Darn It
Not fun to say, too close for comfort. 1/10.
4. Jeepers Creepers
Who are you, Velma? 3/10, but only because I think Velma is really hot.
5. (Insert Made Up Fantasy Insult Here)
I mean, I guess you could do this. But do you want to? You know no matter what you pick, it'll never sound good enough to you. Or maybe I'm a hack and that's a me problem. 5/10, great options if you're Tolkien or at least better than me at coming up with words.
Ok, don't tell anyone, but I actually don't know much about linguistics. I'm kind of counting on you guys not knowing much either. You got that? Good. Anyway, that's my list. Now I'm going to go see if I can weasel myself out of this deal.